Earwash

Episode 59 - The Wisdom of the Stars

This week Douglas has consulted the stars to foretell your future. At least, he thinks they were the stars. He lives in a very light polluted area so what he may have been consulting may have been Starlink satellites, or a plane going overhead. Whatever it actually was that was consulted, it bestows its secrets of the future upon you. Listen, and hear what the future holds for you...
Music: Ethereal by Punch Deck 

Episode 58 - Thimblerigger

This week we veer dangerously close to being educational, with Douglas disclosing and defining the weird and wonderful words recorded in his notebooks

Episode 57 - It's Enemas All The Way

In a finagling fifty-seventh episode, eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular answers the questions you never knew you didn't want to know the answers to

Episode 56 - Teetering On The Precipice Of Professionalism

Due to the lingering effects of COVID, today's episode is the relatively easy listening that is the oddments of Douglas's notebooks, which this week includes a surfeit of lesbians. While I do not claim that this episode will cure COVID, please note that there's no evidence that it *doesn't* cure COVID and I am sure that I could persuade at least some people on the internet that it could if i tried.

Bonus Episode E - Did That Make Sense?

As part of an autumnal spring clean, Douglas releases the sweepings from the cutting room floor, cleaning his hard drive but dirtying your ears with the audio dust. But, I hear you cry, however will I get my ears clean from all this auditory dust? Worry not, dear listener, for any regular episode of Earwash will clear it away, and you shall discover that this audio dust is an exfoliant, leaving your ears even cleaner than a regular episode alone would! So listen on, and let's exfoliate those ears.

Episode 55 - An Incident With A Molotov Cocktail

This week, a lovelorn Bruce Plank sings us a lovelorn song, featuring some of the most horrendous ukelele playing you will ever hear

Episode 54 - Jaunty Australian Inneundos

After the existential crisis that was last week's anniversary episode, I think we all need something calming: the weirdness that ends up in my notebook, with some soothing classical music in the background. 

Episode 53 - The First Anniversary

The anniversary episode did not go as planned

Episode 52 - You Can't Live Your Life Assuming A Frenchman's Going To Eat You

In our fifty-second episode (as in it is the episode after the fifty-first, not that it goes for fifty seconds. It goes for quite a bit longer than that), we are joined by the Earwig and Selwyn, Australia's fastest snail. Listen and learn how long it takes a snail to run a marathon, how to efficiently transport a team of insects to France, and the specific risks posed to snail athletes by French cuisine. Apologies for the length of this one, it turns out snails talk as slowly as they move.

Episode 51 - Oklahomo!

This week, we are joined by eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular, who is having a creative slump. What caused it? Can he get out of it? And how could the musical Cats be made any more disturbing than it already is? Find out in this episode, which, like many musicals, is much too long and involves unexpected and uncalled for outbreaks of song.